SITI week two
We showed our composition - it was a blast. Deeply problematic from a structural standpoint, but really satisfying in certain ways. One group was just outstanding - truly breathtaking in every way.
I'm stewing a little in a foul mood. My weird headaches have persisted and emerged in circumstances far less strenuous than the one I described in a previous post. I saw a craniosacral therapist yesterday, though, and we figured out some probable causes.
The source of the headaches is my occipital atlas - an area with several small holes through which nerves and various veins, including the jugular, pass - and, specifcally, my sphenobasilar joint. Something may be causing unusual compression in that area, resulting in blood loss and pain. The craniosacral therapist did really subtle and deep adjustments, including work inside my mouth.
So. There's that Sisyphean boulder again. I was reflecting on my fraught history with injuries and a new friend asked me, "What do you get when you're hurt?" I thought for a while and ventured, "care", but I don't think that's it. I always have this feeling of anger, this feeling that I'm being told, "No, you're not good enough or strong enough to do what you're doing. This thing that you find so compelling and rewarding is not for you." What is the lesson here? What is my body saying? I think it may be saying: you have nothing to prove; or: nothing that you need to prove to anyone other than yourself, so listen to me. My body *is* my self. I am, after all, here for myself and, yes, for the future of theater; but, fundamentally, to become a stronger, more vibrant artist. To use my self more dynamically in creating theater.
There we go - now I've got a proper blog going, haven't I? That was a self-indulgent, somewhat self-disgracing sort of revelation. Comments are encouraged.
With much reflection and some wonderful conversations (including one with my inimitable and fanastic PT in SF) behind me, my head feels clearer (and, consequently, I wouldn't be surprised if the headache itself soon disappears). This is the point of the training: to show you what happens in your body that interferes with free and celebratory use of it.
So, here's to more self-love.